I have a bright, beaming personality when you get to know me. I love to make people laugh. When I want to feel better about myself, I try to make people smile which in turn makes me smile. However, I do stress quite a bit about things and although I'm young, my body has taken a huge toll from my stress. I would say the biggest issue is my weight. My husband is in the military. When he's gone, working hard, I want to show him that I'm at home, working hard as well. I would just love to surprise him and lose some weight...maybe a pant/dress size or two. However, I stress about losing weight that instead I gain it...then I stress because I gain so I try harder, and it just becomes this endless, hopeless cycle. Most recently my stress started affecting my neck and back leading to severe pain 24/7. I tried physical therapy -- only to make my issue worse. I finally realized that my biggest issue was ME. I needed to get in a good mindset...and figure out the cause of my stress and rewire my brain so I can channel it into GOOD thoughts and actions instead of holing up in my little "turtle shell" and shutting myself out. I started getting extremely overwhelmed in just every day situations. I would become overwhelmed at the grocery store, church, even if I was meeting up with some friends. I would stress so badly and pretend that every thing was FINE. I would put on a fake smile and try to exude this happy, content, stress-free persona so no one would figure out that inside I was freaking out. For those of you who are nodding their heads like "Yeah...I TOTALLY get what you mean!" you will understand how tiring this makes someone. Even if it's just an hour with friends, you are EXHAUSTED when you finally escape and just want to go back into that turtle shell and stay there. I realized recently that I have needed help with this so I have made steps that have made things better for me -- but I still have quite a ways to go. I still have moments where I'm overwhelmed and I'm putting on that fake smile. I still have times where I feel like I'm not making any progress and I "ugly cry".
The biggest thing I have going for me is my faith. If I didn't have anyone to talk to, I would just pray. God has always been there for me and slowly I have been seeing the help and love that He has been blessing me with. He has blessed me with a loving husband. Although he is currently across the country from me going through even crazier things than I could even imagine -- he still encourages me and writes to me. I love getting his letters in the mail. They truly make my day, or even my whole week. He is my best friend and I miss him desperately, but thanks to our faith in God through our marriage, I still feel closer to him than ever although I haven't physically seen him since January. I realized though that when he is gone, I lose that "best friend" feeling. I didn't have someone that I could just vent to. I have my family nearby and I have a great relationship with my mom -- but there are even some things that I can't talk to her about. I desperately wanted a female best friend who would be there to laugh with, to cry with, to pray with, and who would keep me accountable and call me on my actions if I began to "give in" again. After praying for so long, I have finally found that friend. It is truly an act of God that this woman was placed in my life, and funny enough we both have similar life experiences! I am still amazed as I get to know her because there are just so many things we have in common. Although I've known her for just a little time, I feel like I have known her for years. She is just what I needed to come out of my shell, pick myself up, and focus on getting my health better. I am no longer "losing" my mind. Instead, she has become my workout buddy so I can start "losing" the things that I want to lose.
I want to be a better example for my boys. I know that God has blessed me with two wonderful boys...but I would still love another child eventually if that is what God has planned for our family. If it just so happened to be a girl...I wouldn't complain whatsoever ;) However, before this can even become an option to me, I need to get healthier and make a lifestyle change. I need to get healthier so I don't have a high risk pregnancy again like I did with my two boys. Of course they came out perfectly healthy and were both on the large end, but there were times where my weight and body became a risk to both them and myself. I could go on and on my goals and reasons as to why I want to lose the weight...but the biggest thing is it's something I want to prove to myself. I know my husband loves me and tells me I am beautiful. I just want to be healthier so we can enjoy things more as a family. These will be the steps I'm taking to make this progress, and I will be checking in here to cover my success/failures with things I try. I have recently found that writing/blogging is a great stress reliever for me. So whether I have avid followers or I'm just talking to myself...I just need to get it out so I can feel better.
Changes as of 24 March 2013:
1. I WILL stop my nasty Diet Pop habit. I will be cutting soda and instead focusing on drinking plenty of water. I have been really good with my water, but need to kick the soda once and for good. Half my body weight in water every day.
2. I will be joining the YMCA and going to classes with my workout buddy. The three classes that mainly caught my eye were Zumba, kickboxing (Oh man, I would LOVE to get some stress out!) and the Water Aerobics. I did the water aerobics class (called Splash Zumba) when I was pregnant and LOVED it. I know the water will be better on my body so I can move with ease without hurting my joints. I also have joined my church's workout class, but on my first day I apparently pushed myself way too hard. My knee swelled up for a few days...so I will need to learn what my body can take and work my way up from there.
3. Working on healthier eating. I have been good at this so far, but do fall off the wagon sometimes. I recently found a diet that helps reset your metabolism that I thought would be great. It's called the Military Diet -- you stay strictly on the diet for 3 days, then eat healthy for 4, then repeat. All of the foods in the diet are every day foods you can buy anywhere, but they all work together to boost your metabolism and encourage your body to burn fat and calories. I have been looking around quite a bit and talking to some people I know personally who have done it and gotten great results. I know, I know..."Not another diet!!" but to be honest...I actually have never gone on a "diet" regimen before.
4. Praying every day for guidance. I know I cannot do this alone. I will be checking in with my accountability partner. Also, I will weigh myself only -X- amount of times a week. I check my weight probably 3-5 times a day. I need to stop stressing and just let my body do it's work.
I will probably add more changes as I go, but for now I feel these are fair and reasonable. I know it isn't going to be easy...but if I'm making a public proclamation of this decision, I know I will need to hold myself accountable for this! Wish me luck and please pray for me!
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